big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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