dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
