I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
