lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
what day is it and did you see me today?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
