1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize