dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
