I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
