There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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