i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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