pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
