his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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