So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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