just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
