There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
