thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
