you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
