so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
