8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
