I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
