In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I am available for nakedness
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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