you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
