I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She told me I should be a condom model.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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