I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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