Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
