thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
