Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
two words...techno handjob
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize