i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
