also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just pee around me
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
