Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
