you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize