I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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