My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
