So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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