how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
