my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
