Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
