how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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