Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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