If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
3pm strippers are depressing
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
