Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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