do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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