he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
