xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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