Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
