LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
