So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I need moral support for this bender
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
