may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm getting married
To pizza
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
