he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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