I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
