The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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