also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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