i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
