bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
