Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize