Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
