shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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