and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
