and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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