The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
